Godly Men’s Conference. (Satire)

A participant (Wynne R) in the wonderful Castlecops forum provided this link to a story about an organization for Christian men only, as in no females allowed. The idea is that participating fellows can be real guys, let down their hair as far as their crewcuts allow, and level with each other without the sissifying influences of the distaff side of the human race. Guys can talk cars, rock-and-roll, barbecue, etc. Oh, and no preachers are allowed to talk, just the regular guys.

But I would really be afraid of attending that God-man thingy, and I am a big guy. Moreover, I would certainly would discourage my sons from going. There is too much risky behavior in such venues. It sounds like it may be a place where young guys could easily contract the dreaded medical condition called MBMAS (Male Brain Migration Arrest Syndrome).

This horrifying syndrome is not talked of much in Christian circles for reasons given below. To understand this terrible scourge, one must know a bit about male human biology in the early stages of development of manliness

Anatomists have recently discovered that the human male’s brain at the beginning of puberty is actually between the thighs. In normal male development, it slowly migrates up the spinal column until it lodges between the ears by about the age of 35, depending on the rate of maturation of the particular male individual. However, in some guys, it kind of gets stuck mid transit, owing to trauma, etc. This manifests itself physically in arrested maturation. There are an astonishing number of guys where it never manages to escape its original location and just becomes incarcerated in the region of the perineum, kind of like a hernia or pustulant boil.

Some scientist theorize that this is proof that the devil actually created the universe in a moment when God was distracted by something else more important, which is why this theory is not all that popular among many scientists of the Christian faith. Oddly, enough, most atheistic scientists are doubtful too, for reasons we cannot go into here. However, this theory seems to have found particular favor among certain New-Age Practitioners, assorted Shamens, and a sprinkling Druid scientists.

By the way, according to the most recent genetics research, it is untrue that the unsightly and embarrassing condition called HPS (Hairy Palm Syndrome) is somehow caused by MBMAS. Although we have come a long way in our understanding of both these phenomena since the human genetic sequence was deciphered, we still do not have a handle (so to speak) on the exact relationship between these two tragic syndromes. Some scientists think that the occurrence of both these condition in so many individuals may just be a statistical fluke or coincidence.

One Response to “The God Men”

  • Too funny!

    Coincidentally, I’ve been reading about Abner Kneeland… (the last ‘freethinking’ editor to be imprisoned for ‘blasphemy, obscenity, and freethought’ in 1782) and D.M. Bennett (Anthony Comstocks’ nemesis) and his “An Open

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